If I could give one piece of advice to all the advice-givers....

It would be this:

Just because you've read about or experienced something, doesn't make you an authority on it. PERIOD.

Got it? 

Makes sense right?

No? Well then let me explain:

This is something that I notice constantly on a few of the parenting/pregnancy message boards, and something that I've witnessed happening to friends when certain taboo subjects arise or when advice is solicited either via blogs or even in person. All of a sudden everyone has to chime in and everyone is convinced that they are right. I've even seen people claim to be experts or say they are 'studying to be a midwife'...
For the record; typing things into Google or Wikipedia is not "studying" and does not make you an "expert"... otherwise college wouldn't be so expensive.
Then there is the 'I've been there so I know better than everyone' crowd. I don't care if you had PC or GD or a colicky baby, a C-section or a beautiful candlelit home birth in your family's bathtub with violins playing while you successfully breastfed on the very first attempt. I don't care if your baby sleeps through the night, big whoop, so does mine but I don't have the audacity to tell other people they are doing something wrong if their baby wakes up throughout the night. Everyone's experience is uniquely theirs and should be treated as such. Your way is not the only way. Your experience is not universal and your decisions are not right for anyone but you. Short of child abuse and other extremes everyone has a right to gestate, labor, feed and raise their children however they wish...
You are NOT an expert on pregnancy/childbirth/parenting.
I'm sorry, but someone needed to tell you.
Don't worry, we can still be friends.
Just keep your mouth shut.
<3

***Please note this is not in response to anything that has happened on my blog. All of my followers have been amazing and supportive despite my hospital birth (Gasp!) and my inability to breastfeed (Surely, I just didn't try?! Everyone can breastfeed!!)***

Why baby-led weaning wasn't (entirely) for me...

So here's one of the posts that I told (warned) everyone about. Call it a test of sorts. This post contains my opinions only. Not an argument for or against any particular parenting choice (or also religion in this case... yeah, I went there). I'm not inviting, nor do I care to hear any negative or drama causing comments. If you are offended by this or any post or feel your opinions are superior to mine, feel free to contact me directly about it. I don't care to hash things out publicly over the internet. So far I have faith that most of my followers are supportive and open minded people, I hope that I am right.

Ok... now that that is out of the way, let's get on with it. Happy thoughts everyone!

I don't subscribe entirely to any one style of parenting, much like I can't commit to any particular religion. I tend to pick the bits I like and agree with the most from each and leave the rest... It's not that I don't believe or identify with any of them (religion or parenting style).
As a matter of fact in my pursuit of self education in both I've come across things that are insightful and exciting... I've been inspired!
I think:
Wow, this makes so much sense!
I get it, I GET it, I get it!!! Yes!!
and then...
Wait...
What??
That is too much.
Aaaaaand, I'm done.
I feel parenting styles, like religions, all share these amazing ideas and then there this one or two things specific to each that are totally overboard. Again, in my opinion.
Take Catholicism... love everyone (good), do unto others as you would have done unto you (good), our church is the only church (Wait...) original sin i.e. spend your life repenting for what happened before you existed (What??)
Buddhism... love everyone (good), do unto others as you would have done unto you (good), renounce conventional living and all earthy pleasures and possessions (Wait...) meditate until you become god (What??)

I'm sure you can already see where this is going... you may even have parenting philosophies in mind where you've said the same thing. I'm not going to talk about them now, though I probably will eventually.

What I'm talking about right now is Baby Led Weaning. This is one of those instances where at first I was like, whoa... what a great idea! Then I started to really think about it and it didn't entirely sit well with me. In terms of Aura and I specifically. I totally agree with developing hand-eye coordination and chewing and also exploring through touch, taste and smell. I liked the idea of baby being able to explore food at their own pace. But instinctively (there's that all important word again) I knew that there were a few things that wouldn't mesh for us. So, like most things so far, we're almost on board... but there are a few modifications to make it work for us.
First of all, on the pro side, Aurora doesn't eat store bought baby food. There were one or two instances at first when she did and the results made me even more determined that it won't happen again. As a matter of fact, I am so against commercial (particularly jarred) baby food that it may be the one and only parenting choice I'd actually be willing to debate. Bake a sweet potato, mash it and put it in a bowl next to a jar of sweet potato baby food, now pick which one you want to eat... end of debate. But see, even here I'm willing to give a little (and I mean a real little) WIC currently will only provide jarred baby food for babies 6 months to a year and stops giving fruit and veggie checks. I personally donate the food to a food kitchen because I don't want it and I have access to farmer's markets and inexpensive local food sources and time to make my own. Do I expect everyone to have that luxury... honestly, no, of course not. But I do frown upon WIC for not giving moms the option. Yet another story for another time. I digress.
I don't buy commercial food for Aura but I do feed her purees. The main reason being, quite simply that I believe babies should be exposed to as many different foods as possible (within reason of course) early in life.  Food is a very big part of my life. I've worked in restaurants and I cook almost every day. I love trying new foods and recipes. I want my daughter to feel the same and to develop a healthy relationship with food. Purees are the best and easiest ways for her to experience new flavors and tastes. I have introduced her to finger foods already but there is a limit to how many things Aurora can feed herself. At the moment she can just about handle those Happy Baby cereal puffs and she's had bits of banana, cut up cooked carrots and avocado.

Aura LOVES avocados!

Plums!

However, she's already eaten about twenty different types of pureed food so far (and she loves oatmeal!) which I feed her with a spoon. Her purees are much thicker than the stuff they sell for babies her age, but she does not mind at all. She 'chews' them up just fine. But like I said, I do feed her myself along with giving her finger foods. For one, it's less messy and she seems much more satisfied at the end of a feeding. For two, I think it will help her develop a better idea that mealtimes are for eating not playing and last but not least, this way I don't need to cook

Green Beans!

everything to death so that it's soft enough for her to pick up and eat but not choke on. Not to mention the fact that she's more content trying (and often failing) to get those pesky nibbles in her mouth if she has something to actually eat while she's trying.
If you think she'd be better off only feeding herself... well, tell her that when she's frustrated and kicking her feet and banging her hands because she wants the food in her mouth NOW. She's a hungry girl and she likes eating. I'm more than willing to help, even if it means I'm doing it 'wrong'.

One of my 'issues' with full on BLW is that I feel there's this aspect of 'Here kid, if you want to eat you have to figure out how to do it all by yourself.' As a mother I feel it's my job to feed her first and foremost. I completely agree that it is helpful to start early with self feeding so that she'll be able to do these things on her own soon. I just don't feel that six months is the time to start cutting them loose and backing away. Also, I want her to stay excited about food and really want to eat solids, not just play and explore and get them in her mouth occasionally until she figures it out. Again, just my opinion... 

I had originally started whole tirade just to introduce a new section which I originally posted on the blog for my local baby food biz called What Aurora's been eating! I think I'm going to start posting it on this blog instead and linking back in reverse. The other blog is being pretty neglected lately and I feel like it's a better fit here anyway. Apparently I got carried away.

And, on that note, I think this has gone on long enough... sometimes I go off on tangents. I apologize.
Sleepy delirium is kicking in. Good night all.

Positive comments only please.
Thanks! <3

Judgement

So I plan to write a series of posts on my particular adaptation of attached parenting but there's something that's been bothering me since I joined this big internet co-momma-munity... It seems like every time I start to read a blog or a post on a message board, I notice people coming from all directions to bash every little decision that doesn't correspond to how they would do things. Breastfeeding, cloth diapering, cry it out, babywearing, baby led weaning... you name it, someone should be doing it but isn't, someone shouldn't be doing it but is, someone isn't doing it enough/is doing it too much, someone thinks you should do it a certain way etc. etc. etc... ad nauseam.
It's sad really.
Now mind you, there are some parenting practices that I am wholeheartedly against. There are even some that I think are morally wrong, totally irresponsible or just plain over the top and strange. While I may voice my opinion on these things (who are we kidding, I do and will inevitably continue to voice my opinion about everything) there is one thing that I absolutely will not do, and one thing that I find completely disgusting and counterproductive: I will never publicly call someone out on their decisions for their family and insult their choices and I would never dare to call someone else a bad person or parent for doing what they think is best for their family. Now obviously, there are some offenses that would be an exception to this rule but I think they are the universal don'ts (beating your children, starving your kids, et al) and they never seem to be the topics of these debates anyway.

What I think everyone fails to realize sometimes is that no one ever says to themselves 'Gee that sounds like the worst idea ever, I'm going to try it just for kicks!'

Every decision that a parent makes is a life changing one...

I'd like to think that most if not all parents understand this and act accordingly. Which is why even the most cockamamy parenting style comes with tons of 'research' to back it up and a mom who's memorized it to quote to any naysayers at will. Seriously. Google any parenting style you can think of... they are all supported by someone and come with loads of testimonial.

Everyone believes that they are doing their best. Everyone makes the most of their situation. Everyone loves their babies and wants them to be happy and healthy and smart and strong. Who are we to say that isn't enough? How dare we assume we'd do it better... and what's worse, how dare anyone have the audacity to tell someone that they are doing it wrong!

Sometimes I think that if I were raised differently, or had different beliefs or were I not the type of person who obsessively researched things, my own parenting style might be very different. Who knows? Maybe my baby parenting style which is working very well will have to adapt to a different toddler parenting style? The bottom line is, that at every step of the way, I am researching and learning and deciding what is best for me. I accept the fact that other mothers do the same, even if their curriculum is different from mine. The fact that we were all raised differently and have different beliefs and ways of doing things is what makes being human so incredible. The fact that we can observe others and choose what is right for ourselves rather than blindly following is what separates us from animals. What's more, it's how we've evolved. Without individuality there would be no innovation or invention. If we take independent thought out of the process we may as well go back to cave dwelling... and I for one like my modern conveniences.