After the induction... My birth story pt.2 (finally)

It's taken me forever to get this part of my birth story written. Some of it had to do with finding a diplomatic way to do so. There was quite a bit of daddy drama at the hospital after Aura was born and now that I am becoming close with Aurora's extended family I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to write about it. Even if no names were publicly mentioned it would still be obvious to them and that wouldn't be fair. On top of this, I don't want to associate any negative feelings with something so amazing and life changing. I've omitted the drama from this story in exactly the same way that I intend to eventually be able to omit it from my memory. If you missed the first half of this story, you may want to go HERE first.

After the induction I finally felt what a real contraction was like. The problem was I had no build up. I went straight from slightly uncomfortable to 'HOLY SHIT get this baby OUT' in a matter of about 10 minutes. I'm sure that contractions are pretty horrible no matter what but without a chance to even get used to the idea they were unbearable. I've always had a huge tolerance for pain, (I'm the type to super glue cuts closed) but those contractions knocked the wind out of me. Mind you, I had never even had real period cramps before so this was a totally alien feeling to me and I couldn't handle it.
So I gave up...
I got the epidural.
And you know what? I have absolutely no regrets about it. After 36 hours of no progress I was dilated and ready to push within a half an hour of being induced and my little bean was ready to go! I pushed exactly four times and she came flying out to meet the world! Right as they gave her to me the Christmas tree in Rockefeller center was lit! I looked down at this perfect little baby lying on my chest and she looked back at me like she'd been dreaming of that moment for as long as I had. She squeezed my finger and stared at me memorizing my face until the nurse took her to get weighed and measured.

I know it's a cliche but when people tell you that your life will be forever changed at that moment, they are right. It's a change you can't even prepare for... it's not about changing diapers or putting someone else first. This change is on a cellular level. I was a different person the moment I held her. When she looked up at me it was like she had known me forever and she saw no failures or heartache. My painful past didn't matter. I wasn't an artist or a bartender, a cook or a DJ... I was just her mom and that was more than enough. It was the ultimate clean slate. I was and still am all of those things, but they pale in comparison to this new grand title of mother.

My best friend and the dad came in to meet her. I ate yet another very boring turkey sandwich but I swear nothing had ever tasted better! I was brought up to my room while they cleaned and dressed my little one. I still hadn't officially given her a name but I think I always knew it would be Aurora. I just wanted to keep it to myself and sleep on it one last time before I shared it, and her, with the world.
Aurora slept most of the night by my side in her little cot while I stared at her wondering how I could've made something so perfect. When she woke I would snuggle with her and try to breastfeed but she didn't seem very interested and then we noticed she was having a little trouble breathing. She wasn't getting air through her nose so she kept pursing her lips and exhaling through them making little phhft noises. It's impossible to describe. If it wasn't so scary, I'd say it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. The nurses kept coming to try to suction her nose and they took xrays to make sure her lungs and sinuses were okay. She never got to latch because she couldn't breathe through her nose. I pumped and we gave her the little I could get but she was jaundice and getting worse so once a full day but had passed without her getting a substansial feeding they gave her formula in the nursery. It's the only complaint I have about the whole hospital experience really. I suppose I understand why they did it but you'd think they would've let me be the one to give it to her! They were still pretty concerned about her jaundice so they had to put her under the bilirubin lights for awhile.

Aura's little blue 'tanning booth'.

Between Aura's seemingly waning health, my post pregnancy hormones and a decent dose of drama I had a small nervous breakdown. Ok, maybe not a full-on nervous breakdown but I lost my cool, and I never do that. One of the times they took her to the nursery to check on her nose and her bilirubin levels I started to panic about her not getting better and getting down on myself for not being able to breastfeed. Before I knew it, I was in front of the nursery demanding to see her, one of the nurses came up to me and told me they had a scare because she thought Aurora was turning blue for a minute and I lost it. I ended up talking to a chaplain at the hospital for a little bit because she came in to see how I was doing and that helped. Then I proceeded to write a long letter to Aura's father and that helped even more. Maybe I just needed to let a few things out. Once my little bean was back in the room with me and they said the test results looked a little better I calmed down a lot. She had to remain under the lights for a full 24 hours but the doctors assured me that she was going to be fine. I was technically discharged but allowed to stay in my room so I could be with her (which I thought was amazing of them).
The next day we were given the all clear and we headed home to begin our little love story...

Yeah, this suit in NO way fit yet. But it was freezing.

ABC, D, Episiotomy... My birth story pt.1

Nov. 28th was our due date... but every part of me knew if wasn't going to happen just yet. I spent the day making tiny leisurely preparations and watching movies and then I headed to bed early. As I was reading a book to wind down, my little bean started her nighttime tumblesault routine and I remember rubbing my belly and whispering 'Ready when you are, Little One!' before falling asleep.
Around 7a.m. I woke up because I felt different. Not bad, just different. I kept trying to fall back asleep but it was fitful at best and at around 11 I was pretty sure that my water broke. Not in that TV or Hollywood movie gush of water on the floor, let's rush to the hospital way, mine was more of a leaky faucet which made me a little unsure... so I went about my morning, had some coffee and breakfast and started packing (that's right... started) by the time my roommate came home around 4 I figured it was a good time to head to the hospital. Once we got there I discovered that your water breaking does not make you a priority. We waited about three and a half hours before someone saw me to confirm what I already knew. Let me preface the rest of this story by explaining a few things...

1. I had switched from my OB to a midwife practice with the intention of using The Alternative Birthing Center. I was determined to try natural childbirth, the idea of constant medical intervention (including the possibility of an episiotomy- AaahhhhhhhhH!!!) and being hooked up to monitors the whole time was a terrifying thought to me. Plus... being able to soak in a whirlpool tub during labor was pretty appealing.

2. I didn't want anyone to come in the delivery room with me... I know it sounds strange but I have always been a pretty private person. I also really wanted to be able to concentrate on what was going on and getting the baby out without the distraction of someone else being around. If I was actually still involved with her father things may have been different but honestly, I doubt it. I don't regret the decision to labor alone at all and if I ever have another child I'll probably opt to do so again.

OK... where was I? The nurse confirmed that my water was broken around 8 o'clock on The 29Th. They hooked me up to the monitor and saw that I was having minor contractions but I wasn't dilated at all and I couldn't feel them. Regardless because my water was broken I couldn't go home so they found me a huge awesome room in the antenatal unit, I wish I had taken pictures but I had bigger things on my mind. Once I had been there for a couple hours I spoke to one of the midwives who informed me that the birthing center would probably not be an option for me since my water had been broken for so long... This also put an end to my warm whirlpool bath dreams. Nothing to do but wait until my labor progressed. I was finally given a gross and boring turkey sandwich after 6 hours of assuming I wasn't allowed to eat. My best friend and the baby's dad and I hung out and watched TV until about midnight when I sent them home so I could shower and try to get some rest (fat chance)... I started feeling a little cramping around 3a.m. nothing bad but enough to prevent me from sleeping so between that and being anxious to get the show on the road, it was a long night of crappy TV. The next morning I was told that they had gotten my a regular labor/delivery room and they moved me down to it at around 10, once there they hooked me up to a monitor and we pretty much waited for things to happen. I was super hungry but they wanted to avoid feeding me in case things went quickly... well, the opposite happened. We ended up watching television... the live coverage of the tree lighting in NYC to be exact. At around seven o'clock on the 30th, about 36hrs after my water broke, they told me that my labor wasn't progressing the way they wanted it to and they would have to give me Pitocin to induce stronger contractions...
So ended my hopes of an all natural birth.

Vanity Milestones

My little one finally has a full pretty set of eyelashes... still waiting on the eyebrows but the shadow of them is there and it looks like she got mine, this is a good thing. I've always liked my eyebrows, they remind me of my mother.

For those of you who haven't given birth yet I'll let you in on a little secret...

No one tells you that most if not all babies are born with no eyelashes or eyebrows! Every mom I know says the same thing when the topic comes up... it's disarming!
Obviously you think your baby is beautiful but somewhere in the background a little voice wonders if this is normal. Do other babies have eyelashes and mine missed the boat? Will they grow in? What if they don't? When you wade through all the extensive tidbits of information out there about birth and babies... things they warn you 'not to panic about' (which obviously inspires the opposite response) the things they leave out, like the eyelash bit, are baffling. Do we really have to read about all of these horrible facts that only affect 10% of births? Preemptive worries about hairy backs and stork bites and birth marks and temporarily elongated skulls but no mention of this startling lack of facial hair?
Anyway, after some reassurance from other moms I stopped worrying about it and have been watching as each little eyelash comes in and starts to darken. It's pretty fascinating. I mean obviously we all realize that we grow our eyebrows and eyelashes but to see them come in from scratch is quite the experience! Just another tiny but significant thing mommy-hood has helped me appreciate.