Friday, October 5, 2012

Dating, and Why I Suck at It, Pt. 2

Oh hey there, you may remember my original Dating and Why I Suck at It post from earlier this year. Well, things didn't work out with that guy, after all. No hard feelings, at all, he's a great guy. We were just two very different people and I think we both wanted different things. As far as breakups go, it was probably my easiest and least traumatic. Anyway, single Angela has a whole different set of issues.
Like last time, I totally understand if you're just here to see cute pictures of Aurora, here are a few to tide you over until my next family-related update. This is Aurora playing with water beads. She's obsessed. I actually bought them in bulk, so if you're in the market for some, I'm your girl.

Um... then this happened.
Hi there. I'm ridiculous.
Ok, still with me? Last chance, this is about to venture into rant territory.
So, I've been officially single again for a couple months now. I've been attempting to go out more often and reconnect with some people, but between mom life, school life and social life I'm starting to feel like three separate people lately. I'm not looking to dive into another relationship right away, I think I'm probably too busy to juggle one right now anyway. I would like to date more, though. For the first time in a LONG time, I'm totally 100% available, and not by choice. Usually, if I'm single it's on purpose, because I need to be and if I'm not, there's at least someone for me to spend time with, unofficially. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I'm starting to feel a little lonely. During the day, I don't notice it because I have Aurora and tons of things to do. Nighttime is a different story, especially when I finish my schoolwork and my roommate is out or busy. I miss having someone around.
So anyway,  I've been trying to get back out there. Not looking for anything in particular, just seeing what's out there. The answer is: NObody. I think I forgot that this town is horrible for dating in. Everyone knows each other and everyone's business and I've already dated most of the people I've ever cared to. I also seemed to have forgotten that Single Angela is kind of an idiot. I have this bad habit of developing crushes on multiple people at the same time. I think I'm juggling like, six, at the moment. Ok, it's not really a bad thing, and they're mostly harmless. However, the bad part is, these crushes are almost without exception completely unavailable. For instance, at the moment two are in relationships, one married and one is... well, I don't know what that one is yet, but he's certainly not available. The others are pretty half-hearted and probably won't amount to much.
So, here's where I tell you another reason to add to the list of why Angela sucks at dating. Last night, I had a date. Well, I should have had a date. However... I didn't go and I told him we would have to reschedule (but I probably won't). Why, you ask? Because this guy doesn't drink and before the date I was stupid and decided to hang out at my favorite bar with one of my unavailable crushes.
I had a date.
I blew him off.
I.  AM.  AN.  IDIOT.
I didn't blow off the date to stay at the bar, at least I can feel good about that, I guess? I left with every intention of meeting up with this guy. But when I got halfway there I started re-evaluating things, mainly the fact that I had like 5 drinks and that's not the best first impression on a sober guy. Two, this guy is super sweet and very good looking... but I don't think there's much of a spark there. We don't really have very good conversations, I like to laugh, it's not too hard to make me laugh, and I don't think that's happened once with him. The last time I tried to make something like that work anyway, it didn't. I was having more fun at the bar and as the time to leave got closer, I realized that I wasn't looking forward to the date at all. Maybe it was just crush-proximity, but that's probably a bad sign, right? At the same time, should I really be passing up dates with nice, handsome men when I just clearly stated a few paragraphs ago that I've been feeling lonely?
See? Single Angela is a mess.
Please help.

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