"Dating" the Daddy

I'd known my baby's father for years. I'm pretty sure he always had a crush on me but for the first few years when we were actually hanging out the feeling was never mutual. There were a few awkward advances and I tried to feign ignorance and eventually he got the hint and it stopped coming up. Years passed... I had dated my fair share (and probably yours) of assholes and guys who would never appreciate me or treat me the way I felt I deserved. Problem was (is) I LOVE assholes. I'm far more attracted to men who will inevitably disappoint or reject me. It's a curse. A couple years ago I decided I was going to rebel against my own nature and start dating 'nice guys'. The first few attempts failed (#1- I realised I wasn't physically attracted to him, freaked out because he was getting to close and broke his heart, #2- was still in love with his ex, lost cause, #3- Had an ex wife (no big deal) and a kid (no big deal) and was a Scientologist (big fucking deal) things inevitably went downhill quick #4- was very sweet but damaged and pulled away due to depression/freakout/general craziness) then came "Noel" - "Nice Guy" #5. Well, as it turns out the Nice Guys are just as fucked up and crazy as the Assholes.

I still can't tell you exactly why since it came about as I was actually trying to set him up with someone else, but for some reason or another I broke down and gave "Noel" a shot after all those years. Things started out okay, pretty fun even... I'll admit that occasionally I looked at him and wondered what the hell I was thinking, but I reminded myself that he was a Nice Guy. I had known him forever and we got along really well and after all, what good did all those pretty boys do me in the long run right? I could do this. I could really like this guy... and I did... I think. In retrospect, the desire to extend things past an occasional post-bar bang may have been strictly hormonal. Anyway, it only lasted a few weeks. I never fully got rid of the nagging somethings-not-right feeling and turns out, it wasn't right at all. We started seeing less and less of each other and finally he told me we needed to 'talk'. I thought it would be an opportunity to discuss the odds of things continuing much longer (slim) and if it would be better to just walk away as friends (definitely). HOWEVER when he arrived at my workplace for our 'talk' he informed me that he had been pursuing someone else and hadn't had the balls to tell me about her... then got a mysterious text from a 'friend who needed help' (her) and had to leave but we'd talk soon (we never did). A month later, after mysteriously not wanting either cigarettes or alcohol anymore and being tired and moody for 'no reason' I found myself holding a little stick with a pink plus sign on it. More on this later....