Also... I think it's funny that one year after writing #17 I was pregnant.
1. I sometimes notice that I feel the constant need to make sure my written word is understood in the same way as if I spoke it... like inserting pauses... or using capital letters or italics and bold type to emphasize words. I don't think other people do it nearly as much as I do, but I can't help it... I wonder if it's because I've relied on getting my thoughts across through type for so long because I was too afraid to say things out loud.
2. I have visited or at least stopped in over 25 states... but I've never flown because I am afraid to go on an airplane.
3. On the same note... I used to counterfeit Greyhound bus passes and travel all over. There wasn't much rhyme or reason to it aside from self induced homelessness and a constant need to 'escape' something. For a year I moved every month or two and then once a year after that until recently. I still feel the need to escape sometimes but I've tried to limit myself to actual vacations now that I've decided to stay in Providence.
4. When I was younger I couldn't imagine someone thinking I was attractive. I didn't turn out so bad... Now that I get compliments pretty often, I still find them a little hard to trust.
5. My mother died when I was 17. It changed my life completely and taught me not to take things for granted and to appreciate things that happen and the way those things affect and change you... even when it hurts. It showed me how selfish I was. My only regret in life is not telling her how much I loved her... or maybe being too wrapped up in myself to know until it was too late.
6. When I lived in Florida I was helping to teach a yoga class... I thought that it was what I wanted to do with my life. However the expense and time it would take to get certified as an actual teacher rather than just an instructor was too demanding and I wasn't willing to settle if I couldn't go all the way with it... Once I came home I almost stopped doing yoga altogether even though I really loved it. Hopefully I can get over myself enough to continue practicing even if I can't teach.
7. I collect all media. Almost obsessively. Books and music mostly but my DVD collection is starting to get out of hand and my coffee table is currently overrun with magazines. I also have an unnecessary amount of video games... still.
8. I grew up in New England and have lived here most of my life... but I get sick every time the seasons change and I can't get used to cold weather.
9. I grew up very heavy. My whole family was huge and I thought I would be that way forever. At one point around age 20 I was content with my size... then I got depressed and gained a lot more weight. When I moved to Florida I dropped down to the smallest I'd ever been, people said I looked great. When I looked in the mirror I was smaller but still the same shape and I felt like I looked wrong. I wasn't as happy with myself as I was when I was bigger. Now I'm just happy with being healthy and my body is mine whatever size it happens to be... I will never be super skinny and I'm over it.... but I will also never let myself go again.
10. I work multiple jobs... I have done that most of my life. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be content with the money I made from one without wondering what I could do to make more. The amount of money never seems to matter. I've been broke and I do well now... I'm content either way as long as I know I'm working as much as I can.
11. I used to make art and work with my hands all the time. Then I lost my portfolio that had all my work since high school in it... somehow without the proof that I had been an artist once, I convinced myself that I wasn't anymore.
12. I am in love with my city... wholeheartedly. I kept trying to move away and kept coming back. I'm so glad that I did. I honestly wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
13. I took my first actual vacation this past summer... I didn't go somewhere to visit someone, or go somewhere and live there for a few months. I went just to go and get away. It was only Newport... but it was four days by myself in a nice hotel and it was one of the best ideas I've had in awhile.
|Amazing swing&sunset in Newport, RI 6/3/2008|
15.I swear like a sailor. I can't help it... luckily I work in a bar and hang out with guys and girls who are just as potty mouthed as I am... but don't worry, I'll be an angel in front of your mom.
16. Also... I can drink you under the table. Go ahead... prove me wrong.
17. I've been saying I'd never have kids my whole life... sometime early last year it became 'probably not'...
18. I had no contact with my younger brother and sister for almost 8 years after my mom died... now that we can get in touch it seems so awkward that I find myself avoiding it.
19. I haven't had a car in years... and haven't purchased one ever.
20. I read all the time. I love other people who read... I am always looking for suggestions and I'm always willing to give them. However if I ask you how a book was (or even a movie) and your answer is "good" I will never discuss them with you again. If you don't understand why then I don't want to talk to you at all.
21. I'm not a huge fan of pizza... honestly. But every now and again it's all I want and I never wait for it to cool so I always burn the roof of my mouth... but in a weird way that's the best part of eating pizza for me.
22. I want to learn about everything. Anything that catches my attention I want to know more about. This applies to ideas, people, activities, games, philosophy, history, how to do or build or fix things... everything. Because of this I spread myself a little thin. I know quite a bit about most things... but I doubt I know everything about anything... does that make sense?
23. My parents never forced me into any religion, they were both brought up under extremely religious circumstances and were good enough to let me decide for myself... because of that I read everything I could get my hands on and probably ended up more informed... and I decided on none. Not to practice anyway... but Buddhism makes the most sense to me by far.
24. I've been single for so long I'm worried that I've forgotten how to be with someone. It was very much my decision to be single... but sometimes I worry that it was a mistake or that I took it too far. Even though I am happy for the most part.
25. I am an idiot when it comes to talking about things that hurt me or that are uncomfortable... but give me any other topic and I can keep a room full of people listening to me for hours.
I am pretty longwinded... as you can tell.